It’s Been a Long Time

 It has been a long time since I created a post on this blog (since 2016).  So much has changed in these seven years that it is hard to describe.  I have spent most of this time taking care of my husband who became disabled…unable to walk and a failing heart.  I could have written many insightful writings during that time, but it never occurred to me to do that, as I was ever so busy being on full alert for all those years.  I even slept with a baby monitor sometimes so that I wouldn’t miss him calling my name in the middle of the night.

Anyway, fast forward to today….I lost my husband due to heart failure at Christmas time 2021.  I have a whole story I can share later on about his time in Hospice and how thankful I was for that time together.  But since that time, I have gotten the most wonderful standard poodle, Biscuit, to keep me company (another blog idea).  I don’t know what I would be doing with my days if it weren’t for him.

I have been gardening with some successes and many failures - another blog to tell you all about that!

But today, I want to share my journey with making junk journals!  Many of you may not have even heard of such a thing, and to be honest, until the last year or so, I hadn’t either!  I started out, while my husband was so sick, making greeting cards from card kits.  During Covid I was able to send out dozens of those cards as we all isolated and waited for this terrible plague to subside.  One thing led to another, and I found a site about junk journals and was captivated by the many videos and tutorials out there.  Another great discovery was digital kits..oh my!  The ability to purchase these kits for a low price and then print and create journals of meaning and beauty just took over my life!  What I find interesting also is that in junk journals I also use old books to make altered books, and old book pages and sheet music, old pictures, antique doilies and laces and ruffles to embellish my journals…so it fits perfectly with my “What’s Old is New Again!”  Theme from when I named my blog long ago.

Please stay tuned as I get my bearings and begin to post again!  It will be fun to reconnect and share with you!  Meanwhile, here’s a link to my YouTube channel that you may enjoy.  You never know, it may ignite a spark in you!  https://youtube.com/@carolynspapertherapy?si=OAPdsm_mVTi12yOY

Also, just  few pictures to share:

Be a Friend

Sometimes when people are hurting...from grief or pain or illness....they shut others out.  It is easy to just go within yourself and dwell in misery and become angry over the hurt and angry at everyone around you because you are hurting.  But all the time, there are friends who would love to stand by you and help give you strength, if only you would let them in.

I experienced this once with a friend in Florida.  She ran a gift shop and I had a friendship with her through the shop.  I painted items that she bought from me to resell and I so enjoyed our friendship.  That was until she found out she had breast cancer.  She became angry with everyone...I would stop by to see her, and maybe take her a little love gift, and she would not speak to me.  Finally....I went away.  She got better, but our friendship was gone, as I was afraid to approach her again.

Every day is a gift.....If you are hurting and there are friends who care...let them in.  Tell them what you need.  Hang out with them and allow yourself to live and love and laugh again.  It's ok, really, to laugh again.  I have learned this through my own tragedies in life....I thought I could never laugh again, but slowly and gradually over time I was able to.  That doesn't mean the hurt is gone...it just means that life is short, and we are to live it to the fullest, moving forward one step at a time.  Let a friend in today...or be a friend to someone who needs some love and comfort.

Sadie Sunshine Lace Stripe Prayer Shawl (Knit Pattern)

Sweet Sadie Caroline on one of our many shopping excursions!

While I'm not quite finished with this shawl, the design is complete.  Again, as I am teaching myself to knit, I am designing this prayer shawl in memory of my sweet granddaughter, Sadie, who we lost to cancer at the age of 17 months on December 21, 2012.

I

This design may be used for your local prayer shawl group or made to mail to us at Sadie Sunshine Chapter of Crochet for Cancer, PO Box 1624, Henderson, KY 42419.  Please see our Facebook page for complete information and to follow this ministry.  www.facebook.com/sadiesunshinechapter  Please make use of this pattern to give with love, and not to sell.

I have used worsted weight yarn with a size 10 circular needle for this project.  I am estimating around 800 yards to complete.  For charity purposes, I use Red Heart Super Saver yarn and find it to be of good quality and soft.

Cast on a multiple of 3 stitches (I did 72 stitches)

The first four rows are knit, resulting in a garter stitch beginning border.

The Lace Stripe section is done by repeating the following pattern for 20 rows:
K3, (yo, k2tog, k1) repeat () to end

The Garter Stitch section is done by knitting 20 rows.

Always check when you begin a section that you are working on the front of the shawl.

The shawl should measure approximately 65" in length.  When you approach the desired length, the final section should be a Lace Stripe section.

After you complete this last Lace Stripe section, continue with four rows knit stitch resulting in  a garter stitch border and then bind off.

If you desire, single crochet all around the edge twice with three single crochets in each corner.

Enjoy and God bless each of you as you knit this pattern!

Change....Your Mountain and Sunshine are Waiting!

One thing that is certain in life is change - some changes we choose to make, some changes are forced upon us.  Even when we choose to make a change, it is sometimes not easy.  Many times the easiest road to choose is not to change at all, even though the present situation may be less than desirable.

I've made many changes in my life - going to college, getting married, getting divorced, getting married again, having a child, moving, new jobs, starting a business, closing a business, losing loved ones, and more.  Sometimes it was exciting and fun, sometimes the worst time of my life.

But all of these changes have led me to the spot I am in today.  Each step forward led me to the life I was meant to have.  Each experience, both positive and negative, taught me something important and made me stronger and gave me more confidence.  My husband calls it "wisdom".  If we lived in a bubble, we would never become strong.

Every day is a gift....are you facing change today?  Whatever it is, you can make your way over it and through it and come out on the sunny side of it tomorrow.  Just make a plan, put one foot in front of the other, be calm, develop confidence, and eventually you will find yourself settled again, and most likely in a better place.  If you know someone facing a frightening change, reach out to them, hold their hand, reassure them, and pray for them today.

www.facebook.com/everydayisagiftfromgod

Choices

Choices....we all make them or need to make them every day.  Some are simple, everyday choices....some are life changing.

It is so very difficult to make a choice when it is between two things, both of which have so many positive features.  I own an antique, gift and yarn business, and I began to think about retirement over three years ago.  I have been waiting for the "right" time, for everything to be perfect and clear before I made my choice.  I asked God to hit me on the head and just tell me what was right for me and my family and even my community.  Apparently He didn't want to make it that simple.

In the meantime, while I tossed things around in my mind, I decided to give the shop everything I had.  I have expanded, added new features, even recently invested in a new sign and supplies for this upcoming year.  But all the time I was still thinking, listening, watching and asking for guidance.

Three days ago, right in the middle of the day, I made my decision....I am going to retire!  There are so many reasons to keep doing what I am doing and reasons to make a change.  It does no good to ask for advice, because even those who love you have just a bit of selfish motive.  They truly want me to be happy, but they also want me to do the thing that affects them in a positive way.  The choice had to be mine, and the reasoning had to be mine.

Now that the choice is made, and I've let the world know, I am committed to make it work and make sure that I am happy and satisfied with the results of this choice.  My theory on life is to make the most you can of every situation, look forward and never back, make choices and do not have regrets, cherish memories, remember the good things, and focus on now and the future.

I didn't make the choice to take the easy road...this one will be hard for months to come as I resolve many issues that will arise from this choice, but I know where I'm headed, and it is a good place!

Every day is a gift...Do you have a difficult choice awaiting you?  You may have to struggle with it like I did...it took me three years....but the mind is an amazing thing, especially if you fill it with good thoughts!  You can do the thing you need to do....have confidence in your abilities and try to keep moving forward in life.  The rewards are endless....especially after the choices are made!www.facebook.com/everydayisagiftfromgod

Sadie Sunshine Sampler Prayer Shawl (Knit pattern)

This pattern was designed in memory of my sweet 17 month old granddaughter, Sadie, who we lost to Cancer on December 21, 2012.  I have always crocheted and decided to teach myself to knit.  As I progressed up one side of this shawl, I decided to do each section in a different, simple pattern.  At the same time I was praying and remembering Sadie and others who are suffering from cancer or a loss, I was learning - so I decided to dedicate this shawl to her and record the pattern for use as a prayer shawl.

Please feel free to use and share this pattern, but when you stitch it, please have someone in mind and give it freely to them for comfort in their time of need.

(Revised to add 4 stitch garter stitch to each side - 2/5/18)

Worsted Weight Yarn - approximately 800 yards

Size 10 needles

Cast on 81 Stitches

Each section begins with front side facing.

FIRST SECTION - Garter Stitch

Knit every row - 32 rows

SECOND SECTION - Seed Stitch

K4, *(K1, P1) repeat from * to last stitch, K5 - 22 rows

THIRD SECTION - Stockinette Stitch

Row 1 - Knit every stitch

Row 2 - Knit first 4 stitches, P to last 4 stitches, K4

Repeat these two rows 8 more times - total of 18 rows

FOURTH SECTION - Basket Weave Stitch

Row 1 - Knit all stitches

Row 2 - K8, P3, *K5, P3. Repeat from *to last 6 stitches, K6

Row 3 - K4, P2, K3, *P5, K3. Repeat from *to last 8 stitches, P4. K4

Row 4 - K8, P3, *K5, P3. Repeat from *to last 6 stitches, K6

Row 5 - Knit all stitches

Row 6 - K4, P3, *K5, P3. Repeat from * to last 10 stitches, K5, P1, K4

Row 7 - K5, *P5, K3. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 8 - K4, P3, *K5, P3. Repeat from *to last 10 stitches, K5, P1, K4

Repeat rows 1-8 two more times, then

Knit one row and the K4, Purl to last 4 stitches, K4  before starting the next section.

FIFTH SECTION - Textured Garter Stitch

Row 1 -K4, *(K2, P2) repeat from * to last 5 stitches, K5

Row 2 - K5, then *(P2, K2) repeat from * to last 4 stitches, K4

Repeat Rows 1 and 2  ten more times

SIXTH SECTION -  repeat Third Section - Stockinette Stitch

SEVENTH SECTION - Lattice Stitch

Row 1 - K7, *P1, K5. Repeat from *to last 8 stitches, P1, K7

Row 2 - K4, P2, *K1, P1, K1, P3. Repeat from *to last 9 Stitches, K1, P1, K1, P2,K4

Row 3 - K5, *P1, K3, P1, K1. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 4 - K5, *P5, K1. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 5 - Repeat Row 3

Row 6 - Repeat Row 2

Repeat Rows 1-6 three more times, then

Repeat Row 1, then K4, then Purl to last 4 stitches, K4 before beginning the next section.

EIGHTH SECTION - Diagonal Check Stitch

Row 1 - K4, *P1, K4. Repeat from *to last 7 stitches, P1, K6

Row 2 - K4, P1, K2. *P3, K2. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 3 - K4, *P3, K2. Repeat from *to last 7 stitches, P3, K4

Row 4 - K7, *P1, K4. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 5 - K4, *K1, P4. Repeat from * to last 7 stitches, K1, P2, K4

Row 6 - K5, P2. *K3, P2. Repeat from * to last 4 stitches, K4

Row 7 - K4, *K3, P2. Repeat from *to last 7 stitches, K7

Row 8 - K4, P3, *K1, P4. Repeat from *to last 4 stitches, K4

Repeat Rows 1-8 two more times.

NINTH SECTION -  repeat Third Section - Stockinette Stitch

TENTH SECTION - repeat Eighth Section - Diagonal Check, then

Knit one row and then K4, Purl to last 4 stitches, K4 before beginning the next section.

ELEVENTH SECTION - repeat Seventh Section - Lattice Stitch

TWELFTH SECTION -  repeat Third Section - Stockinette Stitch

THIRTEENTH SECTION - repeat Fifth Section -  Textured Garter Stitch, then

Knit one row and then K4, Purl to last 4 stitches, K4 before beginning the next section.

FOURTEENTH SECTION - repeat Fourth Section - Basket Weave Stitch

FIFTEENTH SECTION - repeat Third Section - Stockinette Stitch

SIXTEENTH SECTION - repeat Second Section - Seed Stitch

SEVENTEENTH SECTION - repeat First Section - Garter Stitch

Bind off.  Block as necessary.

Designed by Carolyn Dorsey, Sadie's Mammaw

I would be pleased for you to donate your finished product to our Sadie Sunshine Chapter of Crochet for Cancer, and we will give to a Cancer patient.  The mailing address is Sadie Sunshine Chapter, PO Box 1624, Henderson, KY 42419. You may find us at www.facebook.com/sadiesunshinechapter

You Will Bloom Again!

I love flowers!  I have over 40 violets in my home that I care for, and last year at Christmas I decided to purchase one of those Amaryllis in a box with promise of a beautiful flower from a bulb and a little dirt.  It grew and bloomed beautifully.

My husband is an outdoor gardener, so he put it in a big pot and it was in the garden outside for all of Spring, Summer and Fall.  Then Winter came and we decided to bring it in, cut it back and see what happened!  It has taken a while, but this morning we have been rewarded by two beautiful blooms!

We all have periods of time in our lives when we are dormant, sad or hurting or gloomy.  But there is always the promise of a new day full of sunshine and flowers.  We just need patience and faith, and before we know it we will see the sunshine and bloom again.  Hope!  This is what gets us through the tough times.

Are you depressed or sad or lonely?  Every day is a gift....look around you today for the rays of hope and sunshine, and begin to bloom again and share your beauty with others!  Everyone needs a pretty flower to look at each day !

Are You a Gossip?

I've been reading a chapter on gossip in my Online Bible study about what to say, how to say it, and whether to say nothing at all.  Gossip is one of those pesky little exciting things that occurs sometimes.  Some people just love to know all about people and their situations, not because they care, but because they want to be the one "in the know" so they can spread the information.  Somehow this can make a person feel important.

I'm like everyone else - I say things about people that I shouldn't sometimes.  I try to catch myself, but sometimes I fail.  I'm always sorry when the wrong things slip out of my mouth and believe me, the ones listening will not hesitate to repeat your words.

When my mind is engaged and thinking with kindness, I hold my tongue.  When we encounter gossip from others, what can we do?  We can either fan the flames and join in, or we can walk away or counter with a positive.  If we do the latter often enough, we will get out of the gossip loop.  No one likes to gossip with someone who won't get excited and participate.

Reading about gossip and the damage it can do to others and ourselves definitely puts it in the forefront of my mind so that I can catch myself if tempted.  We get a new chance each day to be a better person.  Every day is a gift....think and say only good about others today.  Like my Mother always said to me - if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  Good advice. 

Please join me on my new Facebook page of encouragement and inspiration www.facebook.com/everydayisagiftfromgod

But It's a Blizzard outside!

This morning around 4 am I awoke to the wind howling and the windows rattling.  This was after a day of shoveling snow and clearing walkways to make my shop accessible.  I got up and looked outside at the blizzard conditions, the flag standing out straight in the wind, and the powdery snow blowing into drifts all around the house!

I thought about the conditions outside and worried about the roads and needing to get groceries and things I need to do today which I couldn't see happening in these conditions.  I woke Roy up and asked him how he could just sleep with the world going crazy outside!  He replied "confidence".

Well, what does that mean, I asked?  He said that whatever comes along we can handle it.  Worrying about it won't change anything.  We don't know what might happen, but whatever it is we will figure out what to do and take care of it.

Those words sounded vaguely familiar to me - something like words I have said before!  Oh, it's hard to put those words in practice without a reminder every now and then.  So I thought, ok, I'll just turn my worries over to God and go back to sleep as I will surely need my rest going into this day.

Now I'm awake and everything has settled down outside.  The temps are to drop below zero tonight, but, you know what?  I can't do anything about that.  Every day is a gift.....I will try to protect my water pipes from freezing, stay inside as much as I can, check on Mother, and enjoy this day with confidence that God is watching over us.  What troubles and concerns are you facing today?  Be assured that God is right there beside you and lifting you up and giving you the strength you need whatever comes your way.

I now have a new facebook page filled with messages of inspiration and encouragement gleaned from every day occurrences.  Please follow me there at www.facebook.com/everydayisagiftfromgod

Put That in the God Knows Best Pile

I was chatting with my daughter the other day, and we were discussing life in general and how to get through the tough times and tough days. She said something profound about things we have no control over - it went something like this - I just put that over there in the pile of God knows best things.  Basically, turn that problem over to God, and try to get on with living.

Honestly, I wonder how much time we spend being worried about and feeling responsible for things that we do not have control over and things that we cannot change.  I have found that in times of trouble, the first thing I have to do is get my mind wrapped around what just happened, and then learn to accept, and then begin to move forward again with my life - not as if nothing happened because some things change us forever - but to live the life we have in the best, most fulfilling way possible.  We just have to play the game with the cards we are dealt and always be grateful for what we do have and give our best effort every single day.

Every day is a gift.....if you are going through something you do have control over, try to do what you can to correct things....if it is something you have no control over, then wrap your mind around the new normal and live every single day in the best way you can.  Never give up...there is always sunshine to be found.

I now have a facebook page where I share thoughts of inspiration and encouragement daily gleaned from every day occurrences.  Please follow me there atwww.facebook.com/everydayisagiftfromgod

When I Was Hungry

Our sermon this morning was based on this scripture.  I have heard it so many times, and it always makes me think if I am loving and serving in the way I should.  

Matthew 25:31-46New International Version (NIV)

The Sheep and the Goats

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

The other day I had a young woman come in my yarn shop.  She told me she had been wanting to come in ever since she saw us sitting on the porch knitting and crocheting on Worldwide Knit In Public Day which was about four months ago. 

She was a small, pretty girl and she had brought a bag with her to carry the yarn in that she wanted to select.  She went back into the shop and began to gather yarn.  She filled up her bag, so I took her a basket and asked her what she was planning to make with all this yarn.

She began to tell me that she wanted to make a colorful granny square afghan and put it all together with black.  I told her of one that I have that my mother made many years ago, purchasing 25 cents worth of yarn each week.  Then she asked me about how to stitch it together, and I told her she could come by any time and I would help her figure out a method that she liked.

After she piled many, many skeins of yarn on my counter, she began to tell me that she hadn't been out of her apartment for months, and this was her first venture out in public and she was enjoying talking to me.   She explained that she was bipolar and had great difficulty going out in public.  She told me about her medication and how it had helped her.  She thanked me for offering to help her.

I invited her to come to Memories any time and sit with me and others and work on her crocheting.  She seemed excited but timid at that prospect.

After she had visited for about an hour, she asked me to add up her purchase and she would have her boyfriend withdraw the cash and come back later to pay me and pick it up.  

This is when I realized that I would probably not see her again or her boyfriend.  And I was right.  She has not come back.  It didn't bother me at all, as I saw a much greater purpose in her visit than how much yarn she was to buy.

In reflecting on this, and explaining to my husband, we decided that I was able to give her just what she needed.  She needed someone to listen to her, let her build her confidence in going out in public, validate her dream of the beautiful afghan, and someone to talk to her and treat her like the valued person that she is.  I felt like God sent her to me, and I somehow gave her what she needed that day.

I will pray for her that she will get brave and go out again and that she will get to make that afghan she is dreaming of.  Hope and dreams and faith in the good in this world can help us all move forward in life with confidence.  I pray she will grow in her confidence.  I pray that she has someone in her life to love her and take care of her.

God wants us to treat each person we meet with love and respect and have no concern for what that person can do for us, but what we can do for them.  I pray that I will never miss an opportunity to reach out to others.  Everyone needs love, a smile, a hug.

Spreading Sadie Sunshine to Missouri

This is the Cover Photo for our Sadie Sunshine Chapter Facebook Page
Created in Memory of our sweet Sadie Caroline (that's me holding her)

 

Our Sadie Sunshine Chapter of Crochet for Cancer was formed in April, 2013, in memory of my 17 month old grandaughter, Sadie Caroline, who we lost to cancer on December 21, 2012, after just a six week battle.  It is impossible to express the heartbreak and disappointment and gallons of tears this has resulted in.  But in the midst of this valley, I discovered Crochet for Cancer and decided this would be a wonderful way to remember our little Sadie's sweet life - by spreading Sunshine and smiles to others fighting this terrible disease.  So much love is being shared by our volunteers for those with cancer that it is hard to comprehend some days.  The ripple effect of her life and smiles and battle can be seen every day in the giving taking place in her memory.

Sadie's Profile Picture on our Facebook Page for
Sadie Sunshine Chapter

During the first couple of months when we were just beginning, there was a little girl in Illinois who began her journey to fight this terrible disease.  Our Crochet for Cancer leader, Tracy, got a request to send hats to this little girl, and passed the request on to me.  I had some beautiful hats, and she was one of the first individuals that I sent to.  Little Janet is a beautiful, perfect little child.  Like Sadie, you would look at her and wonder how in the world she could end up fighting such a battle.  But fight she has.  To me, she is a hero, just like our little Sadie and so many others who are so brave and trusting and fight the fight with a smile, making friends and touching lives all along the way.

Little Janet in 2013 wearing one of our first Sadie Sunshine
chemo hats made by my good friend, Tracy

I have made friends through facebook with Laura, Janet's Mom.  She is a wonderful, strong woman, not afraid to share her faith, just like my daughter, Amber, has.  Laura knows that God is in control and she trusts Him every step of the way.  In a way, we are kindred spirits, Laura, Amber and I, understanding each other's journey and the faith that is required to remain standing in the midst of this unimaginable storm.

Little Janet today in her Sadie Sunshine chemo hat
with matching blanket and monkey sent to us
all the way from Germany, by my Sadie Sunshine friend, Michelle

Little Janet beat this one-of-a-kind cancer once, but it has recently returned and she is again fighting and receiving the treatment that she needs - but this is not all she receives at St. Louis Children's Hospital.  Just like our Sadie received at Monroe Carell Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt, little Janet is receiving the love and caring and support of the people she meets there.  In the process, she is making many new friends and having a positive effect on their lives.

Sadie Sunshine Profile Picture in Honor of
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, September, 2014

At Sadie Sunshine Chapter we donate to several hospitals and organizations in Kentucky and Tennessee.  In fact we have such an abundance of Sadie Sunshine, that we have reached out to the St. Louis Children's Hospital and have arranged to give to the children there.  Since little Janet is a familiar face there and a very special child to the heart of our Sadie Sunshine Chapter, we have decided to ask her to be our Ambassador there and help to distribute the hats and other gifts to the children there in Sadie's name.  In fact, this all came about this morning, early, as an idea as I was corresponding with Laura on my iPad  - I call these God moments, when I allow Him to lead my steps.

Sadie - Always my Sunshine

I understand that Laura and little Janet are excited to be a part of Sadie Sunshine in this way.  What a blessing this will be to the children there, and their parents.  Thank you, little Janet, for coming into our lives.  We love you and plan to meet you in person one day very soon!  

Happier Times - Fall of 2012 just before Sadie got sick -
We will always Remember and Celebrate this Precious Life of Sadie Caroline

Please, anyone who reads this, say a prayer today for little Janet and her family, for Sadie Sunshine and all of our family and volunteers.  Our mission is simple - to bring Sadie smiles to those in need.  Our little Sadie and her sweetness can live on in this very special way.  God is leading our footsteps.

Sadie Sunshine Chapter of Crochet for Cancer Facebook Page

Shine on Sadie Facebook Page

Serving Because of Loss - Stepping Through The Door

Sometimes it doesn't make sense.  We lost our sweet Sadie Caroline to a terrible cancer.  She was just 17 months old with her whole life to live.  She was beautiful and sweet and happy, yet she suffered and died at the hands of this disease.  There was nothing we could do but pray and hope and believe.  We were so sad and heartbroken that we didn't get what we prayed for.  We wanted her healed so that she could live a long and productive life.  But it didn't happen.

You would think that this would make us angry or bitter, withdrawn and beaten down.  Oh yes, we have cried our eyes out and asked why and been depressed and heartbroken and have struggled since her death.  You might think the only thing we can do for Sadie now is decorate her grave and remember her sweetness and mourn her loss.

But for some reason, this just isn't enough for Sadie.  I mean, she would have done great things and blessed so many....if only she had lived.  So it seems that my daughter and I just can't settle into the loss.  Instead we decided to move forward and celebrate her little life by doing our best to bless others in her memory who are suffering.  Strange, really...most people would not launch themselves into personal ministries because of a loss.  They would be finding a new life and a new normal.

For me there is no longer any normal.  My ship has crashed and broken, never to be rebuilt the same.  I had to launch myself into something with true meaning..and instead of waiting around, I sprung to action. God lead me down the pathway and opened the doors and I went down the path and walked through the doors.  And it has been amazing the lives that have been touched and will continue to be touched by Sadie's life and our heartbreak.

Sadie Sunshine Chapter of Crochet for Cancer is my own ministry created out of my love for remembering Sadie, my love of crocheting, and my desire to help bring smiles to others.  Because of my own pain, I have a unique gift of empathy and caring for those facing similar circumstances.  It brings me such joy to see the smiles and know the feelings of love represented by our gifts of chemo hats, blankets, prayer cloths and prayer shawls.  This ministry is in my life all day every day through my involvement on the facebook page, the main Crochet for Cancer organization, people coming in and out of my shop, and others I become aware of who are fighting cancer.  The postman and I are friends as he either delivers a package of Sadie Sunshine to me from my volunteers, or picks up a box or package of Sadie Sunshine to be delivered to cancer patients almost every day.

My daughter was lead down a different pathway and through different doors as she created the Sadie Smile Toy Drive to benefit the children who are sick in the hospital.  The toy drive has been huge for two years and she has delivered truck loads of toys to several hospitals and to Child Welfare offices.  What a blessing it has been for her to be able to facilitate bringing such joy to children who are suffering.

A new calling for my daughter has been to go with her church mission group to serve at an orphanage in Haiti.  She is there now and they taught Bible school and loved on 115 children living in poverty without parents to love them today.  Why would she choose to do this?  It required a lot of planning, money, travel, risk, uncomfortable living conditions and more.  It is because she was open to God's calling her to go...she followed the path and walked through the door.

The benefits and healing to both of us are huge, and we pray every day that we can make a difference in this world.  We had such a loss that it is hard to imagine, but we were also blessed beyond measure.  We loved Sadie and she loved us and her life was beautiful, and she was beautiful, and that is what is important.

Have you had things that happened in your life that maybe shut you down or made you become depressed or bitter?  Ask God to lead you today into a better, more meaningful life, and then go where He asks.  Instead of dwelling on your problems and focusing on yourself, reach out to serve others.  You cannot even imagine the benefits to your own well-being and that of others until you take that step through the door.  Every day is a gift...share your life and love with those in need today.

Find out more about our ministries by going to these sites:

www.facebook.com/sadiesunshinechapter

www.shineonsadie.com

Information Overload!

Sometimes in life we get overwhelmed and anxious...it is then that we need to take a step back and look at what we are occupying our time and our mind with and what changes can be made so that we are more relaxed and content.

One of the things I needed to do was to cut back on my "information overload" as Roy called it.  I have unfollowed several facebook sites and people who were providing me with lots of information, but at the same time causing me stress.  When you are in the middle of the forest, it is hard to see the trees, but when you take a step back they become clearer.  This was a good step for me....what is clouding your mind today that you could eliminate?  It is very liberating to take back control!  

Every day is a gift...enjoy this one and free yourself of a little mind clutter if you can.  Look around at the beauty around you and relax your mind.

(Pictures taken from Pinterest posts)

Blessings in Disguise

You know how awful it feels to lose a job or have some other life changing event happen?  It feels like the world has come to an end.  I have lost jobs, been divorced, had no money, wrecked my car, lost loved ones, and more.  Many times I can look back on these events and see that something good happened as a result of this event that would not have ever happened otherwise.  Looking back....we can see...but in the present, while it is happening, it just feels awful, like the whole world is spinning without us, no one cares, everyone has a purpose but us.

I've learned this in life, because of my life experiences, to look for the silver lining and anticipate good things.

In 2012, my little 16 month old granddaughter Sadie Caroline was diagnosed with a terrible cancer that took her little life in a short six weeks.  This is one of the most tragic things I can imagine...the life of a child taken away.  While it was happening, I was strong, but no one could have convinced me that I could look back and see the blessings.  It seems almost crazy to think about the blessings, but you see, that is what gets me through each day.  Everything about her...every moment, good and bad, was a blessing in my life because it was Sadie...and she was our perfect blessing.

Three things stand out for me as blessings that many of you might fail to see as blessings if it happened to you, but I see these in my mind's eye every single day that I go forward.

The first was the phone call...that terrible phone call that told me something bad was wrong with Sadie.  They thought maybe meningitis, but were running all kinds of tests, including a bone marrow test to eliminate cancer.  I sat down at the piano and just played the sweetest music I could while these tests were going on, and I prayed.  After traveling to be with her, amazingly she was better!  They determined that she was OK and ruled out cancer.  Now here is the blessing...we had the best few days together anyone could hope for.  We played and hugged and sang and read books and played hide and seek.  It was wonderful!  But then we soon discovered that the cancer was hiding and after about a week she was back in the hospital and the diagnosis was not good.  We could have been bitter that they didn't find it the first time, thus delaying her treatment, but instead I have thanked God a thousand times for that time together, because you see, it was her last time at home, and I got to spend it with her and make it the most special weekend possible.

The second was at the hospital.....she was attached by wires and tubes to all kinds of medicine and monitors....so attached that she could hardly play or move and it was so difficult to hold her and love on her.  A different doctor came in the room and ordered all that stuff detached from her.  For that one evening, she was able to walk down the hallway, play and move around and live the life of a little baby girl what turned out to be her last time of freedom.  Her Daddy, Tim, in fact spent a lot of this time with her and talked about it at her funeral as his lifetime of memories with his little girl occurring in that one night.  As it turned out, this was her very last night of freedom to have fun.  We could have been bitter that this happened and felt that her treatment was delayed a little, but instead we were oh so grateful for our time with her...but more than that....her time to have some fun because it would be her last.

The third was when Amber called me and someone had gotten us tickets to go to Amy Grant and Vince Gill's Christmas Concert at the old Ryman Auditorium.  It was close to the hospital and we were so tired and stressed, it seemed like a good thing to just go.  At that time Sadie was in intensive care - she was paralyzed, nearly blind, had holes drilled in her head to relieve pressure - everything was just awful and not looking good at all.  Tim was going to stay at the hospital with her while we relaxed just a little while.  Amber figured it out that she could come get me and we would stop by the hospital  on the way to see Sadie.  It was a miracle because the hospital let us all go in the room at once - this had been the only time the family had all been together at one time since the diagnosis.  We all went in the room, we smiled and played with her as best we could, then she started to fuss and was in pain.  Everyone left the room for a brief time and I held her little hand and sang a lullabye and also a silly little song I always sang to her, and was able to sing that sweet baby to sleep one last time.  You see, that was Tuesday night, and by Friday we had lost her.  I will forever remember singing to her that last time as she was not very responsive after that evening.  I treasure that moment, even though it was in intensive care and the most awful thing I could imagine.  I will always treasure those moments and remember them as special as they were.

Sometimes in life we are dealt with all kinds of problems and times when we can't even think about facing tomorrow, but I can tell you from experience...there is always tomorrow and it can still have joy.  I don't have the kind of joy I would have had with Sadie in my life and watching her grow, but I still have joy every day.  I have these three blessings in disguise and many, many more from my life to remember in my minds eye - and many more to come.  Sometimes we don't know they are blessings until the time has passed, so we must always be aware and looking for them because they are always there.  God is always with us, and for sure, He knows what He is doing in our lives.  It's up to us to look and see and count our blessings, even the ones in disguise.

Serenity Found

In November, 2012, my life changed forever.  God gave me the most precious little girl grandbaby and she was named Sadie Caroline.  She has the most beautiful eyes, double dimples, big smile, and blonde hair and gave us so much joy.  In an instant our joy turned to worry and distress - she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer - Acute Myeloid Leukemia which presented itself in her central nervous system.  Sadie was 16 months old.

We prayed and loved on her and were courageous by her bedside for six weeks, and then the cancer took her away from us.  As you can imagine, we have struggled so as to how this could have happened to her and to us.  She was perfect and we loved her so.

During my whole life I have found peace in the Serenity Prayer because I know it is just a losing battle to fight against the inevitable or to try to change something that is not possible to change, and I should not spend my energy on such things.  When I was called and told that Sadie was sick, I searched for something to hold onto, something that might make me strong as I was called to do things and face things I had never done or faced before.  I had a necklace in my shop with a charm on it with a cross and the words "God Grant Me Serenity".  I have worn it every single day since that day.  I guess I may never put it away, because I can reach up and touch it when I am troubled, and it reminds me that God is with me and will help me.

I have had many conversations with friends and acquaintances since our loss of our sweet Sadie, and many chances to explain how I could still be standing and moving forward with many, many things and smiling and finding joy in my days.  It is hard to explain, except for the fact that God has given me the strength, insight and wisdom to make healthy choices and to seek and find serenity through Him.

In talking with a friend the other day who also is going through a tough time of her own as she has found out that her daughter and also her little toddler grandaughter have been diagnosed with Lyme disease, I heard myself say, "I wouldn't change anything!".  I do that - when I am talking about Sadie many times - I hear myself say something that doesn't compute when I think about it later and I have to think about it and determine why or how I could say that.  Especially, this one - because I would give my own life if we could just have Sadie back.

In reflecting on the fact that I said, and I heard it come out of my mouth, "I wouldn't change anything", I have determined that God has given me those words and thoughts and has allowed me to heal to a point where I do realize that IF I cannot change the fact that I have lost Sadie in this world, that I will focus on those things I can change.  He gave me wisdom and a way to move forward.  I still have my wonderful daughter, Amber, and her husband, Tim, and my precious grandson, Eli (who is the sunshine in all of our lives), my mother, and a wonderful husband.  I have my faith, my church family, my shop, my charity work in memory of Sadie, many friends, my health, this beautiful environment where I live and work, and on and on.  I have so many blessings - so, I know I can't change what happened to Sadie, but I can change how I live the rest of my days.

I will live facing the Sunshine every day and share joy with others.  I will not dwell on the past - I will look toward the future and expect it to be bright and beautiful.  And I will give thanks to God for being with me every day, holding me up when I want to fall down, giving me strength to say and do what I can to help others, sending me people in my life who love me, sending me people in my life who need me, and just helping me be joyful.

People say they don't know how I do it - I have had a lot of help!  And each person that God sends me keeps me on this positive journey I call my life. A special thanks to all of those people and those to come for helping me understand how I can and must keep on this positive journey.

If you have an interest in helping with making crochet hats and prayer shawls for the Crochet for Cancer chapter I have established in memory of Sadie, please "like" our facebook page and get all the details:  www.facebook.com/sadiesunshinechapter

Also, my daughter has established a foundation in Sadie's name to help spread her smiles to those who need them.  It can be found at www.shineonsadie.com  There are many opportunities to serve in Sadie's memory that will benefit many - her smiles continue to live on in the lives of others through these charities.